Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Move on!!!!

what are you waiting for?!?! people are moving on... he moved on... and you're still there paulette! (toinkS!) haiz... when will you grow up! why dont you just listen to what the card says... Mr. T is right.. there are 6 billion people out there and you have'nt even met a quarter of them... the world is big... you dont need to hurry, there is still time... all you have to do is just wait for the "one" that he chose for you... again i will quote his exact wors " how can HE give you something when your heart is already taken "... yeah he's right... i just cant wait for this "thing" to be right... for it to get back to normal.. i know it will never be the same again, he will never be the same guy i met years back... so why am i still waiting? i dont even think he's going to come back... he even told me too see other people.. to enjoy myself and to have fun... well i am going to do that (not because he told me to but because i WANT to.... i have to go... far away as possible... soon...


Once in a lifetime comes a love,
So sweet, so pure, so rare.
A flashing, brilliant, blinding light,
Like a comet through the air.

A love without rhyme or reason,
That knew no space or time;
Wrapped itself around my soul,
And captured this heart of mine.

i got this from kuya bong.... he has nice words to say about love... he's already married to ate mayet and they already have four lovely kids... he told me about thier love story... its was really nice... they married in their mid 20's and now thier kids are grown up... he said that his kids relieves his stress and makes him really happy... its good coz they all look so good together... although sometimes of course there are some problems crossing thier paths (as ate mayet was telling me...) they try thier best to settle those differences and fiz the problem... i would want something like this when i settle down....

whenever i hear stories like this, it makes me wonder what it feels like toget married and have children and a family of my own... i love kids so definitely i'll enjoy having one... it just that i dont have the right man yet... as of now (even if i wanted to settle down) i know i can't! i am not financially ready, i dont have a permanent job (as of the moment) my job can only support me and my puppies so i am really not capable of providing for my kids... i am also not emotionally ready... i still have lotsa things to accomplish, places to go to and responsibilities to shoulder... in a way i am not spiritually ready because marriage is something that i dont want to just try on.. i want it to last forever... i am scared to make mistakes and i wouldnt want to make a mistake with the one who i am going to marry... finally, i dont have that special someone to marry! (toinks! here i am raving about marriage and i dont have a groom in my wedding lol) well i have someone... but then is he really the one? does he even want to marry me? its hard because i dont know if this person would want to spend his lifetime with me (as i would want to with him) well before there was this one person that got away... (well not really, i was actually the one who let him get away >> yan kasi! haiz...) i think he's happy now (with his current gf) and i am happy for him... he's better off with somebody else because during the 1st quarter of our lives i have caused him so much pain (that even if it happened to me i guess i wouldnt be able to take it) actually i caused so many people so much pain... (i'm really really sorry... i didnt mean to...) i dont want to cause any more trouble...i just want to be happy........ thats all.....

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


dear paulette,

For me, the difference is solitude is something you WANT
and feel comfortable with, a peaceful, relaxing and
inspirational space, and loneliness is an UNWANTED
experience of being on your own.

I believe one of the greatest fears we have is the fear of
loneliness, especially the loneliness that we feel when
we are without a lover.

This fear traps many of us into unfulfilling or
destructive relationships, or leads us into pursuing the
wrong person just to AVOID being on our own.

When The Hermit appears in your reading, it may represent
the loneliness you feel at the time. And remember, it is
possible to feel more isolated and lonely in an unhappy
relationship or marriage than when you are actually on your

If this is the case, the card is suggesting you take time
out for inner reflection. In fact, The Hermit is also known
as the Contemplation card in some Tarot decks. Why do you
feel lonely? What can you do to help turn unwanted
loneliness into welcome solitude?

Do you believe you can transform your loneliness into
solitude? I believe you can. Focus on contemplating
positive opportunities and outcomes. Spend your time
reflecting on past joys and accomplishments. Consider what
you can do with your life to create more satisfaction and

The Hermit is saying ‘take your time and chill out, don’t
make any hasty or impetuous decisions, THINK about the
issues in your life carefully and from a more open-minded
perspective and with a more positive attitude’.

The card also suggests you should be patient, as it may
take a little more time before the period of unwanted
loneliness you are suffering will pass. Of course, it can
also mean don’t let the fear of loneliness hold you back
from making an important decision!

When The Hermit appears in your readings, don’t rush any
decisions, take time out to think about and contemplate
your options carefully, and if you feel lonely consider how
you can change the way you view your ‘loneliness’ to create
a sense of solitude instead.

Love and Joy,

omg! i tried this online tarot reading before (sheyzz this is your fault! hehehe!) that was around may i think... i registered there so they kept on sending me mails (mostly advertisments) but when i checked my mail, i found this email from them... and OH-MY-GOLAY! her letter told me what to do to my problem! (how the hell did they know that i was miserable?!?! maybe they are reading my blog...lolz) but holy S**T! i got goosebumps the moment i finished reading the letter... yikes! but then i think it will help me... a lot! she's right... i'm just lonely, i just have to channel my energies to other stuff rather than just sulking on what is happening to me right now... i really really have to focus on my studies (now that i am almost finished...) yeah... i will! and maybe a little sports wouldnt hurt... i need exercise...badly!... my body is not functioning well, i dont get to sleep that much anymore and i feel so restless... maybe i will just folloew her advice... there's nothing to lose :) thanks alison! ;)

Monday, July 24, 2006


advil pls? as if it could ease the pain that i am feeling that i am feeling right now... this is how it feels... tsk... if i only knew...i wouldnt have done things the way i did it... but what the heck... its too late (is it?) i dont know... can i still save it? i dont know too but i really hope so...its just that sometimes when i try to make-up for the bad/sad things that i have done before... this person doesnt take it that way, he plainly thinks that i'm just being paranoid so he tries to keep me away from him ( haiz...yeah... even if you think that this particular person still loves you) everything starts to turn grey and eventually goes blank (and the spark totally gone too... i think) sarcasm... thats what i hate the most but what can i do? i committed (lots of) mistakes in the past and i have to deal with the sarcasm that is being thrown at me ... ohhh dang... that's life! i have no choice but to face it and learn to live with it....

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Lady in the Water

i watched this movie yersterday with yako @ festival mall... he watched this already but agreed to watch this once more since i really really wanted to watch a movie (after 48 years) .... our 3pm movie was moved to 4:50 and finally to 6:50 lolz.... we went karting before the movie... i felt like a kid again ( well not only me..heehee) .... we were not supposed to bump each others car but where's the fun in that ? heeeheee... so i kept on bumping yako's kart! it was so fun! (at least for the moment i was really happy) ..... anywayz, the movie was nice... in fact it was good ( for me and for yako...coz there was this old classmate who told me not to watch lady in the water ... this were his exact words " wag mo na yon panoorin! pangit! hindi nakakatakot!) actually it was not supposed to be scary, it was some sort of a betime story afterall... so anyways just like other shymalans movies you should expect something different in the end.... i like the way the story was told only that the ending was a bit "bitin".... we finished off the night by drinking tea @ sbucks in bf before going straight home....

Friday, July 21, 2006


when can you really say that you are genuinely happy? is it when you are happy the entire day but at the end of the night you still feel empty?...does that qualify you as a happy person? i know i am supposed to be really really really happy... but then there is something that...ummm....errrr prevents me from feeling (as in feeling!!!!) this happiness that is supposed to make me feel real good...(would that be okay?) i cannot just give up just because i am not happy (at one point or another) i have to go...keep on moving...keep on hoping and praying that this is the kind of happiness that i really really really want! i know i am not making any sense...but whenever i think of it... its just simple!... plain simple............................ argggggggh!

there are times when i feel soooooo aloooone (this is one of those times) .... eventhough my mom is inside her room sleeping, my cousins in the other rooms snoring and our very very irresponsible maid in her room TEXTING! at 2:20 in the morning! haiz.... back to the topic... yeah i feel so alone... i dont know why.... ive been an only child all my life (so i guess i really was pretty much alone most of my childhood years) .... so why am i having this problem now? (now that i have lots of great friends, classmates, co models, gaymates, online buddies and puppies!) specially at this time of the night...when it is so cold...and quiet and oh so scary... i cant really say that i am not used to this feeling but this is not the usual feeling that i feel whenever i am alone (at the morning i have lots of things to do that i prefer being alone..hehe labo!) well maybe i'm not really alone, maybe there are people out there who feel exactly the same way i do... oh well, i hope people dont feel like this... this is a terrible terrible feeling... as much as i would want to talk to somebody who feels the same, i'd rather be alone than know that someone is as miserable as i am... goodnight philippines.... gudnyt!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

" The Hardest Things In Love "

i got this from rj's blog in myspace, i read it and was affected by some of the things that are written in it so i thought it would be nice to put it here....

The Hardest Things In Love :

1. Flashing your smile to someone you don't want to see.
2. Bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget.
3. Showing that you care.
4. Finding a way to mend a broken heart.
5. Learning that you've been used by someone you truly love.
6. Saying "i love you" when you mean it and when you don't
7. Letting go of a person you've just learned to love.
8. Realizing that you love somebody you've just taken for granted.
9. Realizing that you love the person you've just broken up with.
10. Waiting for promises you know he/she will never keep.
11. Saying your love for someone who loves somebody else.
12. Reminiscing the good times you shared together.
13. Shielding your heart to love somebody.
14. Trying to hide what you really feel.
15. Having a commitment w/ someone that you know would not last.
16. Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes.
17. Sharing the one you love w/ someone else.
18. Loving a person too much.
19. Giving up someone you never thought of giving up.
20. Falling in love for the first time.
21. Loving someone you haven't seen.
22. Having the right love at the wrong time.
23. Exerting effort to make the relationship last or work.
24. Not being appreciated when you know you've given your best.
25. Taking the risk to fall in love again .
26. Hiding your relationship from someone else.
27. Controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend.
28. Choosing between 2 persons whom you really love.
29. Finding out that you can never have the person you just let go of back.
30. Seeing the person you love with someone else.

Loving involves two phases.

The first intuitive one is loving the person
because of who he/she is.

The second nobler one is loving the person
despite of who he/she is not. The first one
sparks love.

The second one makes it last.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Mr. T

"Every human love, at its height, has a tendency to claim for itself divine authority. Its voice tends to sound as if it were the will of God himself. It tells us not to count the cost, it demands of us a total commitment, it attempts to override all other claims and insinuates that any action which is sincerely done "for love's sake" is thereby lawful and even meritorious." -cs lewis

"God is Love; Love is not God"

Friday, July 07, 2006

Manila Bulletin Editorial

its been a while since i last did an editorial shoot for a newspaper.. for the past year i focused more on ramp shows and just a little bit of vtrs. this year i'm planning to get out of the country and try modeling in asia so i really have to fix up my book. so far i have great pictures already but i feel that its still not enough to compete with other asian models. i havent scanned the newspaper yet so the images are still blurry. i will post more pictures soon...

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

my kind of sexy.......

another test i took......

Paulette, you're Chic 'n' Sexy

Armani, Prada, Diesel, Sean John — they've got nothing on you. Wherever you go, trends follow — that's just the way it is. Your style precludes anything else you do, and that's what sets you apart from the crowd. You're a chameleon of sorts when it comes to sexy — able to change your shade to match the right mood, event, or setting. Careful, don't hurt yourself on that cutting edge. You're so fashion forward that you can hang with the sharpest people around. But you know what they say, you can take a fashionista to 5th Avenue, but you can't make them look as good as you.

Your style doesn't have to say "I'm hip, I'm now," because it's so obviously the case. You are so sexy your shadow sets trends. You aren't just a mover and shaker, your vibe sets the tone for how people move and shake.


Kotts - Friday, April 3, 2009

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