Most of the time we rely on our basic instincts to be able to survive any problems that may come our way. may it be physical, emotional or sometimes even psychological. im not going loco over here but there are times that i might just go gaga over things that are beyond my control...
we tend to pack our minds with different kinds of things just to drown away all the pain that we're feeling. but despite the fact that it wont just go away without really facing the problem, still some people try to ignore it...just like me.
yeah, i have encountered thousands of problems and various levels of pain in my past but there's this one distinct problem that i was able to come across with already but until now, i dont have the slightest idea how to manage my way through it. well, maybe i'm just denying the fact that i am knowledgeable enough to get through this and just start working on it or maybe i'm coming back to that old sinking feeling that this might not turn out good if i let that decision to be the one to rule over me.
i've been mostly awake on endless nights that doesnt seem to give me any shelter from all the pain and suffering that im going through. though as soon as i fall deep in my unconsciousness i am freed from that torment and i am able to regain what i have lost after a whole day of battling with my own inner self. after several weeks of thorough thinking, i have come to the conclusion that there's more strength in me than what i have imagined and that my parents, specially my mom, would be more supportive of my decisions than i had hoped for.
i was talking to her this afternoon and i told her my great dilemma. though she didnt really voice out her thoughts, i could get a grasp of what she was thinking just by looking at her face. tho i imagined that she would be wayyyyyyyyyyy happier if i had told her my dilemma in a different perspective. i would have been happier if it went as how i had hoped it would be. but certain people are not as strong as i had hoped them to be and all the things that had carefully fallen into place was now breaking into pieces.
i know that things will get worse than what it is now, but i also know that at the end of the road there will be something far even greater than what im supposed to worthy of. i guess that at the end of the day, our human instincts really help us survive even the most horrible experience that life has to offer.