Tuesday, September 12, 2006


you're moving on... having a good time... focusing on work... planning for your own future... keeping yourself busy with stuff... reading books to help you think about stuff... and forgeting those things that needs to be forgotten... just when you feel that you are successful in keeping yourself away from all the sad things they just cant help but find a way in seeping back in....

dont you just love to hear stories? i likve hearing stories from other people, specially my friends... yesterday, i saw my old friend... we havent seen each other for a long time so when we saw each other we hugged and giggled and talked... we talked about stuff that happened to each other, updated ourselves on what was going on in our lives the lives of our other friends and the "exes"... so her ex is my friend, and once in a while her ex would call or text me to go out with them (our common friends from bf) she told me what was going on between them... we almost had the same concern so i talked to her about my ex who also knew her... then she told me that they saw each other in a bar (launching of something...) and then he told her that we were just friends... i expected that part... but then she told me that he asked for her friends number because he liked her or something... and i cant help it but feel a little disappointed and hurt... yes ouf course i dont have the right to feel like that anymore... specially now that i am on the road to moving on... its just so sad to see that someone has already moved on and you were still stuck there thinking on what to do next... i am supposed to be happy right? i know that things will never be the same... people grow up and move on... thats what i'm trying to do now... ill be leaving soon and i hope that when i leave, ill be on my own... far from this things that keeps hurting me...

i am reading this book... Love Decisions... it helped me see things more clearly... i realized that i was doing the wrong things... living in a fairytale and denying reality... thinking that things will be okay, that things will change... but then it did not, it even got worst... i know its too late to make up for the things i did because there is nothing to make up for anymore... the best thing that i can do is change... i know ive been saying this for the past months... well i did change... not drastically but more subtle... before i let all my emotions get the best of me... now i try very hard to let my logical thinking get ahead of my emotions... a friend told me that we are not thinking beings,, we are emotional beings so we must not our brain do all the decision making, we also have to involve our hearts in what we want to achieve... i am going to use more of my heart now than just my brain... its not doing me good... trying to be sure that i was ok even if the people around me are not... i know its mean and really selfish... i dont want to be like that anymore... i didnt grow and i remained the bad bad girl.... i havent finished the book yet... but i can feel that i am changing... that's good... for me at least...

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