Thursday, August 05, 2010

Walking through the park and reminiscing

The air is cold and the wind is blowing hard.. i dont have anything to do so i decided to write.. guess this was a perfect time to walk down memory lane... to walk back several years ago.. back from the beginning.. back to where it all started...

Exactly three years ago i went to Mindanao with two of my very best friends.. we were flown there for a fashion show and our first time to have a vacation all to ourselves.. little did i know that it was the start of a different kind of adventure..

on the way to our destination we met this guy.. he was the one who was appointed to take care of us.. he was the one who took care of our basic needs (if we had any) and toured us around the city. we clicked instantly but i never thought that "he" would change my life forever...

we started out as friends but it was a whirlwind love affair so the next thing we know we were already madly deeply in love with each other.. we were inseparable.. but i had to leave for macau.. i planned all that already so we really didnt have the chance to spend time with each other that long.. we were already satisfied with evening calls and texts until he had the chance to visit me.. to make me feel that i was really special.. i was inlove..

i left macau after serveral months of being apart.. i wanted to be with him and my only option was to leave... so i did.. i spent the next year back to modeling so that i can be flexible enough to come and visit and to have a feel of what life is on the other side of the country.. he wanted me to know him more.. to understand the nature of his job and to have an idea as to what i can do should we decide to settle down and be together...

we had lots of differences that let to quite a number of quarrels.. but it was okay ( i guess..) there would be times that i wanted to just give up and leave, but i knew that i had to fight for our love so i stayed despite of all the pain that was already piling up within me.. strange.. i was not like that at all.. but i was determined to change and be the mature woman that i am not to allow myself to decide on things without thinking about it...

the next year came.. it was more complicated... i got pregnant and had a baby.. i thought things would change.. i thought we would be more in love... but i was wrong... things went out of control... up to the point that we were already purposely hurting each other.. we can't even meet halfway anymore... we were both frustrated.. angry.. and i wanted to give up.. i did give up but i never closed the door down to the last moment that i was going to leave again for macau..

i'm back to there i started.. to where i find comfort whenever i feel lost.. here i am starting to find myself again.. to bring back the lost flame that i once had in me.. to be able to stand up on my own two feet.. it's different now that i already have a baby.. i already am constantly thinking of my own future and how i can raise my kid so that in the future she will be as strong as me...

now, those things are just memories i am trying hard not to forget... i dont regret anything that happened.. at some point in my life i was happy.. it was good while it lasted... i will just filter it so that i can keep the good ones and rid of the bad...

once again i am going to start from scratch.. and hopefully somebody will come to put color into my life...

4 comments:

Jun said...

That was Ok Pau. I know you are very strong. Have a happy life there and wish you will find someone that bring unceasing color to your life.

Cheers!

Anonymous said...

been a while pau-pau but hope you are doing well. just be strong always be strong. miss yah :)

Retro Manila said...

I have not met you in person. But you strike me as a brave and very intelligent woman. We all go through hell and back. And the things we come across with are sometimes (if not all the time) what mold us into better people. And you have a blessing now. Hope you and your little critter are well. :)

And yes, I'd like to take a photo of you. :)

Raft3r said...

starting fresh is always good
keep your head up, rosalinda
=)

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