Monday, July 21, 2008


I was bored so i checked out one of the forums i regularly check.. i saw this thread about marriage.. the past few months that i have been coming to and fro mindanao has been an issue (not a bad issue tho..) to both my bf's family and my own.. they have been suggesting that we get married already, we both have the right age to settle down, we both have work, we undoubtedly love each other, we are happy around each others family and we are already talking about it...

i chose the responses that caught my attention and i learned a lot just by reading the entire thread:

Question:

Do you discuss money matters before getting married? kasi usually diba hindi naman napapag usapan yun pag mag bf/gf palang?

pano kung gusto pala ng future wife niyo na maging housewife para daw hands on sa mga bata?

may advantage and disadvantage eh.

Answers:

=
money was never an issue to me and my wife. khit pa noon gf ko pa lang sya. bigayan kmi. kung sino meron, sya muna sasagot. hangang ngyon, ganun pa din kami. sya taga-kwenta ng gagastusin at ako naman ang taga-bayad ng mga gastusin. i also let her have my atm. basta money matters, sya ang bahala. taga bunot lang ako ng pera, hehehe.

dati nagwowork sya kaso nung nagkaron na kami ng sariling bahay, nagstop sya. i told her to kasi walang magaalaga sa mga bata. mas important for me yung matutukan ang mga kids. tsaka hassle din yung work nya. sumasabay sa sked ko. pati weekends may work sya. lagi na nga ako wla sa bahay kasi lagi ako nasa field, tas pati sya ganun din. so sbi stop na lang sya. kaya pa naman ng sweldo ko buhayin kaming pamilya. smile.gif


= yung parents ng barkada ko eh nagpakasal nung nag-aaral pa lang sila sa med. civil nga lang daw ang wedding dahil wala silang money nun. pero sa sipag at tiyaga, ngayon taga ayala alabang na sila. andaming sasakyan. sabi ng dad nya sakin ang important daw eh may ambition kayong dalawa at saka dapat tulungan talaga. sala lang daw sila nakapag church wedding after 10 years ng civil nila.


= almost same situation sa karamihan.
ako ang nagwowork, si mrs. sa daugther namin.
ayaw ko kasi maranasan ng asawa ko ang hirap sa work.

lahat ng pera nasa akin, pero binigyan ko siya ng access.
so pag bayaran na ng mga bills, pinapaalam nalang niya sakin magkano total.

hangang kaya ko pa naman at kasya pa kinikita ko, ako nalang work.
mas prefer ko na mag put up kami ng own business rather then mamasukan siya sa iba.


= Q. Do you discuss money matters before getting married? kasi usually diba hindi naman napapag usapan yun pag mag bf/gf palang?

Yes, when we got engaged, we make sure that everything is accounted for, especially for the household expenses... Our arrangement kasi is "I keep my money/salary, she keep hers"... We just have an account for family fund where we put xx% of our monthly income there...

Q. pano kung gusto pala ng future wife niyo na maging housewife para daw hands on sa mga bata?

In my case, she wants to work (which is favorable naman nowadays)... We make it a point to go home nalang early after office to have time for our 2 daughters. We go out also regularly on weekends to spend quality time with the kids wink.gif

I. may advantage and disadvantage eh.

Advantage of discussing money matters makes both of you aware of any misspending done, makes you conscious of commodity prices, agreed financial investments (if there's any), etc...


= Me and my wife both work. As much as i want my kids to be look after my wife, we have decided to look for a yaya and have them look after by thier l0la and l0lo. In this way we can afford to give them quality living, and the same time give them the care by there grandparents. After work or during weekends we make sure that we would go to the mall or something to have a family bonding.
Money matters, we talk about it alot! We pool our salary and what ever exceeds our budget including savings, we share.


= kami we never discussed money..
before the marriage

as in zero!! nil, wala nada..
we know its there somewhere pero we dont give a damn we trust each other so much...

after marriage I gave her my .9M bankbook lifesavings...
shes far too important to me than money..


= kame ng wife ko tulong tlga before i use to say hindi sa bahay ka nalng and ako na bahala but try to think of it sayang ang pinagaralan and just to be fair with youre wife para malabas laht ng potentials nya at the same time nagtutulungan din kyo for the kids tho wala pa kong kids blink.gif


= Dapat talaga pinag uusapan. But there's no minimum income before you can get married... we all have to start somewhere right? and things don't always turn out as planned. But, kailangan talga pag usapan yan... ang importante is your attitude towards a married life, being resposible, driven and a loving husband.

With proper planning, everthing will turn out just fine... you can't avoid risks, but you can learn how to manage risks.


= tutuwa ako sa mga reply ng mga tao dito about honesty and truth sa money matters...

i've been a marriage counselor sa church namin and one thing that both of you should need to be honest about (before you get married) - is mayroon ba kayong existing/outstanding personal DEBT (credit cards, house, car, business) even yung nag-co-maker lang sya for family, business or friends. Mabuti na ang to come clean...

Two, is magbudget na kayo - see if enough yung income nyo both to support the home that you will build (rent, utilities, food, etc). If kulang, either cut down on your lifestyle or get a higher paying job/business - easier said than done smile.gif

Amazed din ako sa mga nag-decide na nasa bahay na ang mga mrs to take care of the kids....kala ko kokonti lang tayo, dumadami din pala...

While it's not a easy decision to make, mahirap talaga buhay ngayon - an alternative is for mrs to have a business/job na she doesn't have to leave home...

Iba din kasi kapag parent nagpalaki sa mga bata, I'm not saying everyone can do this sa hirap nga ng buhay ngayon...

Sometimes you have to sacrifice what is good (higher quality of life), for what is better (time with the kids, training, values, discipline, closeness). Like my kids (ages 14 & 12) know how to do chores: wash dishes, cook food, clean the rooms, etc. Para handa sila sa buhay di ba...

Being able to watch them grow up and to see/train them to become the God-fearing men/women we pray that they will be ...priceless smile.gif


= when i got married 12k lang sweldo ko and my wife was forced to leave her job because of sensitive pregnancy. medyo hirap talaga dahil wala din kami ipon lalo na when my first son was born. good thing i got a better paying job and she had a side business in car insurance where she can just stay home and also look after our 3 kids.

in short, its not important that you have a lot of money when you intend to get married. syempre thats ideal pero hindi lagi ganon ang sitwasyon. important is you have a secure job and you continue to look for a better one. always aim for a better one.


= on the contrary, you should discuss it a year or two before getting married.
its not taboo to talk about it since preparing for the future requires monetary
considerations, security, stability and lots of contingency plans.

you must actually know the exact figures each one makes amonth, a year
or longer. marriage is like starting a lif-long business in some aspects
if you want to secure your welfare and your children's welfare as well.

business requires feasibility studies and so it's a must if you want to
make it right. smile.gif


= (my favorite answers)
well as for me and my wife we don't go by separate accounts or 'has to be' equal sharing sa expenses. A family is a "State of Love and Trust". So, i always thought it would be better when both incomes are joined and properly budgeted for the family. that way i find having a family as a responsibility and by no instance, should see it as an obligation.

if done with separate accounts and by equally sharing expenses, it won't be as transparent, and for me, the family becomes an Obligation of which it shouldn't be. you could do that when you share a house or a flat with a friend or barkadas. But with your own family, you are not sharing a house anymore..You live in it.,and its your family's nest ,hence, becomes a responsibility.

when incomes are joined, its easy to see and budget, what you could, and not spend. best to also have an emergency fund to set aside same as how you put aside maintenance money for your car. So, when an emergency comes(say, someone needs to be admitted to the hospital) at wala kayo madukot, makakatulong yun.worry-free ka, coz its like an insurance at hand. nowadays, we have to be more wiser with money and make every penny count. That is the first thing i thought my kids..how to value money, and never let it control over them.

I have known so many relationships and families broken just because of money. In a family, thats one thing you shouldn't fight or argue about. When you enter matrimony, that is one of the vow's you will or have taken. The sign of grooms handing over the cash from the money bearer to their bride and holding it at the same time, truly states that it has to be joined and balanced by both man and woman to be fruitful and to grow.


= If you keep on discussing money prior to a wedding, it ruins things.

WHy?

Because you will never, ever, ever have too much or too little money. What's important is settling with someone who you trust and love wholeheartedly without any condition(s). Given those conditions, if you truly love each other, you will not let one or the other endure any hardship, and will go through painstaking measure to be able to provide for your family.

Ang trabaho ng lalaki:

1) Provide for his family.
2) Be a good husband.
3) Be a good father.
4) Set an example to his children.

Ang trabaho ng babae:

Well i believe in 2 things a woman should either be: 1) Magaling sa bahay, meaning maalaga sa tahanan, asawa at anak ( a homemaker in short) or 2) Magaling sa negosyo.


= (my answer)
ang nice naman nitong thread..

ang dami kong natutunan specially yung mga views ng guys about marriage and handling money stuff..

my bf and i have been talking marriage but we never really talked about money talaga... he's stable naman and he has his own business so i guess that wouldnt be a problem if we settle down na...

he doesnt want me to work but then he doesn't want me to stay at home lang.. plan ko is to put up my own business para meron akong gagawin kasi iba na ang life sa manila and sa province.. and at the same time raise our would be kids na rin..

from what i have read sa previous posts and importante talaga is that you talk about issues regarding your relationship para mag work yon regardless kung gf/bf palang or married na. smile.gif

14 comments:

acey said...

naaliw ako sa mga views ng guys. marami di akong natutunan... i always thought that many guys are afraid of marriage and family and losing all the money they worked so hard for. nice forum, ne.

Raft3r said...

hahaha

i hate the concept of marriage
i even blogged about it a few months back

hehe

btw, you're linked!

thanks 4 always visiting The Deadbeat Club
=)

'anniniput' said...

hi paui! thanks for the visit hah! xlinks tau!..na add na kita..
hmmmm bkt kaya hndi ako makapag chat sa cbox mu...??

Rocks said...

hi! thank you for leaving a comment in my blog :) exchange links tayo?

Paulette said...

acey >> yeah i know! and to think yung forum was about cars ha.. galing noh ;)

rafter >> oh yea? why naman! Sige ill try to look it up and read it!

anniput >> hihi! Sure! i dont know why.. baka kailangan mo lang i refresh

rocks >> sure :)

acey said...

cars??? wow. hallelujah!!! good men exist!

ps: all you have to do with the tag is ask a friend or some friends what they think about you. and you post 'em here, tagging other people too. :) hehe. i hope it's okay tagged you.

the donG said...

salamat sa pagshare nitong post. dapat talaga pinag uusapan ninyo ang differences ninyo before mag decide.

Finch said...

very inspiring :)

Retro Manila said...

Awwww. That's really sweet.

One tip I give my friends who are considering marriage: attend counseling first. :)

Not the shrink kind of counseling.

There's this one great program provided by The Ateneo called the Discovery Weekend. They have it in two venues: Tagaytay and QC. Just google it.

It has helped a lot of couples. It has helped me and my wife even before we got married.

@chellie@ said...

hi paui,same situation kami ng first answer sa post mo di kaya hubby ko yan hahaha! nasa akin ang atm nya binibigyan ko lang sya ng allowance everyday then the rest ako na ang nag bubudget o diba bait hehe nong time na may work din ako kino-combine namin yung salary din ibubudget at pag may sobra pasok sa savings and take note sakin nakapangalan yun pero hindi big deal sa kanya.

One factor din kasi yan sa pagsasama mahirap kung laging usapin ang pera mejo mabigat yun sa araw araw na pagsasama.

mussolini said...

the number one cause of divorce is money, so finances should really be ironed out before marriage.

Paulette said...

acey >> yeah cars! ahhaha! sige ill post a tag soon.. ill have to ask my friends pa :D

dong >> yea.. important na yon nowadays... nag hihirap na yung country natin e

finch >> thanks ;D

retro >> ill suggest that to my bf should we decide to get married na. thanks!!

chellie >> really? ang nice naman.. at least trusted ka ng hubby mo and maganda yon di ba? :D

mussolini >> yeah i agree to that!

Anonymous said...

I really like it. And I want to let you know that I hope you will never stop posting.

Anonymous said...

Great mind, great ideas. Good work!

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