Monday, May 23, 2011

Penny for your thoughts...




wouldn't it be so much easier if we could pay a penny for somebody's thoughts?

...but where's the challenge in it? there would be no thrill.. no excitement.. no mystery....

nonetheless I like to seek for answers... answers that could have been given to me if I only asked the right questions... or maybe if I took the time to listen, coz the answers were already blatantly handed to me but I was so blind to see... or i saw it but i was to stubborn to accept... i don't know... sometimes i'm crazy or a bit unwell

it frustrates me when i don't get answers (that's why i'm writing this! i'm ranting!) i dont know if i deserve to know... why? because i wasn't there at the right place (right matrix in cyberspace to be exact) and at the right time (ugh.. time is GOLD! really! i need like 36 hours in my day!) i feel unworthy even if i know i should not (i dont know.. i'm confused)

I need a penny... we only have MOP in Macau!

Friday, May 20, 2011

I'm only Human

I got a message from someone I used to love... from someone who caused me to experience so much pain... from someone who I used to want so much... who I have a connection with and she is a cute little angel... someone who I already have forgiven and I became friends with... I moved on but I don't think he did and he never grasped the gravity of everything that happened between us when he sent me this:

"tonight after drinking a couple of beer w my friends. after a long time, it is only now that i have pulled down and placed in my closet the pics that you gave me.

Those were happy moments that i have treasured and dreamed of one day of experiencing it again. but now as you have comited yourslf to somebody else..... i dont know wat to say anymore but wish you happines and that youl find happines in eternity w this guy. take care always"

and I just had to say all these:

it just so funny that i get to hear all this from you...

for the longest time i waited for you to even make up for the things that you did but you never even tried...

when i was there i was the one initiated the talk between us and i got answers that i never expected to hear from you

but that was a big eye opener for me.... you just showed me how much you loved me... and you know what? it was the kind of love that i never deserved...

i gave you everything eric.. i gave up my job for you... i followed your every wish... i even gave my whole self to you and i got pregnant in the process...

but all i got was just promises... you never even took good care of me when i was pregnant.... you never even considered that i was emotional and my hormones were raging

you didnt even love me enough to offer marriage when we found out that i was pregnant... you were just excited about it and thats all

honestly as i look back at all the things that happened between us, you were the only one who benefited in everything. you never gave up anything in your life.. it just continued to moved on and i was the one who had to adjust to many things but i never complained about it until i realized that i was not getting what i deserved

you were so selfish and self centered that you didnt even respect my own parents and you know that it hurt me the most...

sorry if i had to say all these things to you..

you already had me.. but you never appreciated what i did for you... you didnt take care of my love for you.. you just took it for granted

you don't get spmething back just by hoping for it... you won't experience those happy moments again just by dreaming of it.... and most specially you wont get me back just by telling me that you wish me happiness

but regardless of all the things that happned between us, i just want to thank you for not marrying me.... for not ruining my life entirely...

for still allowing me to be able to open myself to someone who will love me unconditionally and give me the kind of love that i deserve...

I wish you the same as well.. i wish that you find somebody who will understand every part of you.. every thing that you do.. and who will love you for who you are and not for what you have...


I know I was being mean when I said all those things.. I know I didn't have to... but I wanted to... inside me there was still a bit of bitterness with what he did... I didn't like the tone of his message... It seemed like I just let go without any fight... I fought my battle while he just sat on his comfy couch drinking coffee... that's enough... I'm not a saint.. I'm just human.. I got tired and I needed to rest

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Workaholic

been really busy with work lately.. our company Galaxy Entertainment Group opened a new hotel last May 15,2011. due to lack or manpower they "borrowed" some of our girls including our team leander... being a senior i was tasked to assist in some of the things that the team leader usually handles apart from the bulk of work that i need to do.. but its all good i need to keep myself busy so that times flies by fast...

i'm already on my 4th month at work... i didn't realize that it would be that fast... now i only have 8 months left on my contract and i get to come back home.. well it depends on what would happen to my life (personal & career)... i just hope that all goes well... so help me God.

Ora et Labora (work and pray) is what i learned when i was still in grade school and up until high school i was able to put it into practice.. now that i'm living in the real world, not everything is taught anymore and you got to figure out most of the things on your own... its great that i get to utilise what i have in between my ears but most of all i feel a different sense of satisfaction when i get to deliver what was expected from me...

i think i need to celebrate.. an ice cold bottle of tsing tao will do the trick... ciao!

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Kotts
Kotts
pquinto.sulit.com.ph - Friday, April 3, 2009

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